Want Better Communication? Try The Feedback Loop

Do you often feel stuck in conversation or have no idea how to help other people feel like you are hearing them? Have you ever heard of the feedback loop? While I am not the creator of this helpful tool, if you have heard me speak, whether that be at the Mississippi Association for Marriage and Family Therapists conference or Pinegrove’s Alumni Days of Hope, or even just in everyday conversation, you have heard me use what is called “the feedback loop.” It is a simple form of communication that starts with a sensory input. That means that you start with something you saw, heard, noticed, etc. It then moves on to identify your emotional response, so you must name a feeling. Then you get to talk about what you thought about, what you “made up in your mind,” or as I am frequently known to say to my clients “the thought that came up for me was…” The last piece of this communication puzzle is to state how you can relate to the person with whom you are speaking. Now, in some situations, that last piece may not always be appropriate, but learning that is part of the skills that people develop in therapy. So it looks like this. When I saw that you read my blog post, what I felt was appreciation and gratitude. I made up that you learned something valuable. I can relate to that because I learned something valuable by writing it. In even simpler terms.

Sensory input: When I saw….

Emotional Response: About that I felt…

Thought process: I made up …

Connection: I can relate because…

I know that it sounds overly therapeutic when you say it out loud. However, I have observed this feedback loop to deescalate conflict and create connection and attunement where there was otherwise none. It also provides a helpful tool to refer to when you feel lost or don’t know what to say in a conversation.